All 13 segments voiced by Captain Groovequake
Captain Groovequake opens the show
“Welcome to the Groovequake Charts Show — the most cosmic countdown in the known universe! I'm Captain Groovequake, and this week we've got a lineup that shook the seismographs. We're counting down from #10 to #1. Strap in. Here we go.”
Captain Groovequake
“At #10 this week — "The Perception" by Brand New ThAIng. brand new to the chart. 4 plays. Absolutely massive.”
Captain Groovequake
“Number nine, folks, and it's a straight up cosmic pratfall — "Test One" by Brand New ThAIng cannonballing down from number ONE all the way to nine, like a raccoon falling off a garbage can it's climbed a hundred times! Only five spins this week! Two weeks on the chart, already wobblin'! Brand New ThAIng, we still love you, steady yourself out there!”
Captain Groovequake
“Number eight, listen close, because the raccoons in the vending machine just went dead silent waiting for this one — a fresh arrival, crawling straight outta the void into our chart with FIVE whole plays! It's "Ungrow" by Brand New ThAIng! Brand new, baby, that name ain't lying — OH we are COOKING tonight!”
Captain Groovequake
“Number seven, listeners, and my chakras are doing the electric slide — hold onto your antennas, because a BRAND NEW BLIP just cannonballed onto the chart outta absolutely nowhere! It's "The Shit" by Brand New ThAIng, crashing in fresh with five plays like a raccoon busting into a vending machine! Brand New ThAIng, you glorious weirdos, WELCOME to the chart!”
Captain Groovequake
“Number six, listeners, number six — the chart winds are shifting like a raccoon rifling through a picnic basket it has no business touching! Sliding down one lonely notch from last week, it's "Let's Play Golf" by The Chicken Dusters! Five spins strong, two weeks deep on the board — those Dusters keep swinging, folks, and I am HERE for it!”
Captain Groovequake
“Number five, listeners, and my antenna just curled into a pretzel — brand new blood crashing the chart like a raccoon through a screen door! It's "What If" by Brand New ThAIng, [shouts with delight] ELEVEN spins outta nowhere! No history, no warning, just pure chart-storming nerve. Groovequake FM salutes you, Brand New ThAIng — that's the stuff!”
Captain Groovequake
“Number four, listen close, cause this one just teleported in with zero warning, no packing, nothing — straight in at number four, it's "Feelin Fine" by Brand New ThAIng! Twelve plays out the gate, [shouts with delight] TWELVE! Brand new to the chart and already throwing elbows! Brand New ThAIng, the raccoons in my mixing booth salute you!”
Captain Groovequake
“At #3 this week — "And Let It Rain" by Brand New ThAIng. up 6 from #9. 17 plays. Absolutely massive.”
Captain Groovequake
“Hold onto your antennas, cosmic degenerates, because number TWO just kicked the door clean off its hinges! It's "E-Clips" by Brand New ThAIng, up TWO whole spots from a measly number four! Eighteen plays this week, only two weeks on the chart, and already throwing elbows! Brand New ThAIng, you glorious weirdos, THAT'S the stuff!”
Captain Groovequake
“And the moment you have been waiting for. Number. One. This week. On Groovequake FM. It is "Boogie In The Woogie" by Brand New ThAIng — 34 plays and a seismic event on every chart we have. Absolute legend status.”
Captain Groovequake signs off
“And THAT'S the countdown, you beautiful space raccoons — charts locked, sealed, and launched into the void where they belong! Thank you for riding shotgun through the whole cosmic top ten with me tonight. Remember, this station never sleeps, never blinks, just keeps grooving twenty-four-slash-seven. This is Captain Groovequake, signing off into the static — stay weird out there!”